First thanks for your comments and adding to the dialogue here on the site.

I hear that you are having quite a difficult and emotional time right now. Since I don't have the full situation to really delve into it and support you fully, what I'll do is offer some general insights that I see from your short description.

Most importantly holding the space does not mean allowing yourself to be a verbal punching bag. Do whatever you need to to communicate to her (when emotions are neutral) that your intentions are to support her but that you will not allow her to take her struggle and emotions out on you. A heated screaming match is an unproductive and potentially abusive space. Encourage her to find healthy ways to deal with and process her emotions either on her own or with professional support.

In addition I would invite you to see how you can amp up your own self-care at this difficult time. What do you need? What can you do to support yourself? What might this situation be trying to teach or tell you?

I hope that helps you out some. If you wish to explore the self-care angle further, shoot me an email paula@coaching4lesbians.com and we can connect offline.

I am a 32 year old woman who has always been fairly good at holding space for others to experience what ever is going on for them. I am struggling recently though with my partner and everything that is going on for her. I recently chose to end our relationship because I could no longer handle the limitations that I felt were being tabled for my experiences. She came back to me with a commitment to seek counseling and work things out and I chose to look toward a future with her again. My struggle is this… my partner is experiencing a great deal of distrust, anger, resentment, and hurt over many things at present… she has and has always had anger issues, and expresses her anger through yelling, pointing, and at times beratement of herself, and others related to the anger, or simply others in the room. I grew up in a very quiet home, my partner grew up in a home that was filled often with anger and yelling, so yelling is quite a comfortable place for her. For me, not so much. I have begun having panic attacks when this occurs, I can usually remain outwardly calm, but at times have asked that she lower her voice or wait until we are out of the car and in a less confined area. I am seriously struggling with holding space for her, as I feel that I am at doing myself harm by remaining in that environment. I really don't know what to do, and I feel at times like I'm going crazy trying to find the answer.

Can you offer any insight on how to take care of myself and still provide her with the space she needs to get things out?