I appreciate your comments. I've just begun exploring this "lesbian male" concept. It may explain many things for me. The Wikipedia article on love-shyness hits me where I live in many ways, and Dr. Gilmartin's chapter on male lesbianism is fairly close to home as well.

I'm married, in my 50's. There are far too many details about my life to recount here. One of the more amusing involves a gay friend of my wife's whom I've known and socialized with for 3 or 4 years. He calls me the "gayest straight man" he knows, and my wife tells me that he has told her that he can't figure me out. LOL! Well, I've had some trouble with that one, myself. I've known for a long time that I'm not a gay man (no interest there), but I may just be one of these male lesbian thingies. I've been told that I'm incredibly close to my feminine side. Almost all the people who inspire me are female. I definitely wish I'd been born female myself, though I have no desire to transgender or cross-dress. I'm into lesbian cinema ("Go Fish," "Claire of the Moon," etc.) in a big way. I've never clearly understood why I'm so drawn to it. Perhaps this is why.

There is a darker side to such a diagnosis. Individuals may differ, but the vast majority of people in every category will reject a man who comes out as a male lesbian. I haven't yet read "The Well of Loneliness," but I'm trepidatious that it may be prophetic. I have no illusions; as far as the vast majority of female lesbians are concerned, I will never be anything more than an interloper. I can press my face against the glass, but that's it. Nevertheless, coming out to myself would probably be a relief, give me confidence and help me understand myself. I've only been thinking along these lines for the past couple of days, and it's true that I feel somewhat less anxiety-ridden, a bit more free. Because of the way I was raised, and the ways I've dealt with it, I think there is major repression and masking in my life, and it may take some time to work through it.

Anyway, thanks for your positive comments, and thanks to Paula for hosting this thread. You know, in the end, the only benefit to the labels is in their ability to help us understand and accept ourselves and each other. In the end, they're just words. Only love is real.

I WAS WRONG, I BECAME A FATHER NOT TO MENTION A CAREGIVER . IT WAS A POSITIVE REACTION TO HAVING A CHILD TO CARE FOR . I KNOW I AM NOT A WOMAN BUT A MAN THAT HAS A SENSITIVE SIDE. I WILL GET MY LIFE BACK ALONG WITH BETTER VISITATION WITH MY SON. I HOPE ONE DAY MY EXWIFE WILL TREAT ME WITH RESPECT AS A MAN ALONG BEING JASONS FATHER

Cheers

Nikki

I can totally relate, I wish I was a woman. Since my son has been born it brought out alot of feelings. Either it be a nutureing feeling or a motherly. Maybe I am off base here. Now I am getting a divorce. Well I hope I can find a women that likes femininity in a man.

Good Luck
Michele

I note that nobody replied on this tricky question….

This is the first post I have ever done – I've spent loads of time researching this on the web and I can tell you one thing for sure – people either don't know, or aren't saying.

I'm a happily married man who for years has known – not had the sense, or the feeling – but knows that I'd prefer to be a woman. Trick is, I also know if I were born a woman, I'd love women.

I've searched for an answer and I know I don't like guys. Automatic answer for this one is – oh, your a closet gay. Well I can tell you that ain't so. I'm not, nor have I ever been attracted to men.

I'm a bit of a cross-dresser but I do it to be close to my femininity. My wife knows and she's not altogether accepting – although she admits openly that she likes women sexually – interesting. We have some things to work through there obviously.

Cant't really explain more than that: guy, plays sport, successful, emotional, deeply loyal, best friends with wife, dresses up because it feels nice, wants to be a beautiful woman with a beautiful woman

Can't find a better label for myself than "male lesbian"

I think we will see this becoming a more frequent phenomenon…. watch this space!