Last night was the season finale of the Ex-Wives Club on ABC with Debbie Ford and it was a doozy. It was a fine example of someone having a great epiphany and then refusing to move forward to a new way of being.
Unfortunately for Dillon, he missed the memo on the fact that you need to change your behavior and make powerful (if frightening) decisions if you want to REALLY move forward. What was the epiphany that could’ve moved him to an inspiring future if he had been willing to do the work and make new choices? It was that you need to love and appreciate all parts of who you are (even the junk).
Getting in touch with and truly embracing and loving (not just putting up with) all the parts of who we are is truly the ticket to freedom. The ticket to freedom from a bad relationship, a breakup, career, and anything you do in your life. Since “wherever you go, there you are”, this concept is really important.
Think for a moment of several things about yourself that you don’t like. Aspects of you that you’d rather not admit, notice, and desperately want to be rid of. It might be your impatience, body size, anger, sensitivity, negativity, or anything that makes you say “I don’t want to be that” or “I am not that”. (Hint: look at people you definitely don’t like or would never want to be like and why, it holds clues). Well, the truth is – you ARE! We all are. Anything we can see in another person is present within us in some way, shape, or form. We may express (or have the potential to express) it differently, but it is indeed there.
Now, think for a moment of several things you wish you were better at or had more of. For instance, think of people you admire or respect and take a note of why you admire them. Maybe it’s their courage, athletic ability, easygoing nature, or anything you really wish you had more of in yourself. Don’t you wish you could only have these qualities? Well, the truth is you already DO! Once again, if we can see it in another person, it is present within us in some way, shape, or form. Isn’t this great news?
When we’re able to love and appreciate all these parts of ourselves — both the things we don’t want to be (the dark and so-called negative stuff) and the stuff we yearn to be (the lighter and so-called positive stuff) we are truly free. Free to be who we are – 100%. We can love ourselves and be happy even if the “junk” acts out. We can love ourselves and be happy with who we are even as we joyfully anticipate all we are becoming.
As last night’s show illustrated, though, this ticket to freedom is worthless if you don’t act on this new awareness. If you don’t change your behaviors and actions, you will essentially go in a circle and end up right back where you started from. Awareness is powerless unless it is coupled with action and courage.
Awareness + Action + Courage = Inspiring Future
In the episode Dillon was unwilling to break his habit of people-pleasing, pandering to his ex (who IM’ed him to break up with him, I mean really…), and living in his parents house at the age of 26. Offered a key to a new life he chose to trade it in for more of the same old because he couldn’t bear to hurt someone else by taking a stand for what was best for his long term evolution. He gave away his newfound power and settled for what was comfortable and “known” in his world.
Are you able to accept and love all the parts of yourself even the junk? What new awareness did you create from making the lists above? How can you incorporate new behaviors into your life to support this new awareness?