Your Big BUT is in Your Way

Excuses Holding You BackYes you read that right…your big ole BUT is in your way.

Note: Before you get offended, particularly if you’re skimming this article – notice I did not add a second T in BUT!

Your BUT is in the way of having the:

  • Life you REALLY want personally and professionally
  • Prosperity you deserve (more profitability, more money, more time, more love, more peace…)
  • Experiences you yearn for

Why is your BUT the culprit?  Because when you say something and then put a BUT in the middle of the sentence you essentially negate everything that came before it. Instead you give power and affirmation to your excuses and everyday reasons for why you can’t have what you want. This keeps you in more of the same-old and stuck like sap on your favorite pair of blue jeans.

For example…

I really want to make more money and be profitable in my business BUT I couldn’t possibly charge what I’m worth.  (Meaning of this sentence? I can’t charge what I’m worth).

I wish I could take more time away to do the things I really want to do (have fun, adventures, travel, just chill out) BUT my business and to-do list is holding me hostage. (Meaning of this sentence? I allow my business and to-do list to run my life and refuse to choose something different.)

I really need to get organized and focused BUT I ever seem to have the time to get around to it. (Meaning of this sentence? I choose to stay busy and distract myself rather than face what IS.)

Get the point? When you put your big BUT forward you stand proud in your justifications as to why you can’t have what you want; why things can’t be different.

Believe me I am not preaching from on high here. I used to have the biggest BUT in the land.  I mean really, really BIG. There was a time where I could barely spit out a few sentences without throwing my BUT around.  I had a realistic reason for why things were the way they were and why I could never create what I wanted.  I had an excuse for everything. I could lead every conversation with a litany of reasons and examples as to why something could never possibly work.

Do you know where that got me?

Absolutely nowhere.  I experienced more of the same and usually things got worse (more chaotic, more things went wrong, more misery).  In the process I also managed to alienate some of the closest people in my life.  I lost friendships, my relationship went on the rocks, and I frankly felt like the only saving grace to all this would be to get a terminal illness.

I am not kidding here.  To say my glass was half empty is an understatement. Let’s try half empty with a hole in the bottom.  It was not attractive, not productive, and while I like to believe it made me feel better in a righteous way, it actually made me feel desperate and hopeless.  And let’s remember for context here, we’re not talking about my hiding in a corner languishing during this period of my life. I was out there, succeeding in the workplace and achieving ongoing goals.  I was getting promoted and increasing my earnings.

BUT the bottom was falling out.  (See how I just used BUT effectively?)

So, how about you?  Where in your life are you letting your BUT get in the way?  Does it show up when you go to networking events? Set and communicate your prices?  Want to take time to do something you love?

No one is immune to the big BUT. We’re human. However, you can learn to undo its damage.

Here’s my coach’s request to you:

1)     Be on the lookout and start noticing where your BUT shows up.

2)     When it does show up, replace your BUT with an AND.  AND opens to possibilities and allows both realities to be true at the same time.  I really want to take that trip to Italy AND I am in the process of determining how I can make that happen.

3)     Notice what happens when you start to call yourself out on your own excuses and open to possibilities.

Then start to enjoy the process of getting more aligned with your authentic self and what you really want. You’ll find that all the things you want to create start to happen more frequently and with less effort.

Need help getting out of your own way (You can’t see what you can’t see!)? I can help you break free of the tyranny of your own BUT… AND in order to do that, you need to take a step?  That step is to contact me for an exploratory conversation today.

Photo Credit:Valerie bb via Flickr

Dissonance Means You are Close

Today while I was playing my guitar the perfect metaphor hit me.  Are you feeling full of fear, frustration, and not getting the results you desire right now? Well, you may think you are far off the mark of reaching what you want when all that is needed is the subtlest of shifts to bring you the results you desire.

Let me explain… First off if you’re unsure what I mean by dissonance, it is something that is not totally congruent.  In music it is two sounds that are unresolved or perhaps sound a little “off” to your ear.  Used consciously dissonance can create a the effect of tension in a piece of music as the composer uses dissonance and then follows it up with a release of that tension by resolving the sounds into a more harmonious whole (or vice versa).  On the guitar when two or more notes are a half-step off it is usually creates a dissonant sound.  For those of you not familiar with music theory, a half-step is the shortest distance between two tones.  On the guitar it is one fret.

As I was playing along on a classical piece all of a sudden it just sounded God-awful; just terrible like I was all thumbs.  However, when I stopped to notice what was actually happening, I had played the last few measures perfectly except everything was one half-step off.  Normally I would get all ticked off, frustrated, and figure I was nowhere close to playing the passage correctly.  Instead what hit me at that moment was that I was darn close to playing it right.  All I needed to do was make one small shift in my positioning and the whole thing would be spot on (just what I wanted!).

So, I wondered, how often in life and business do we flip out, freak out, lose our minds in disgust because we are not getting the results we desire? So we let fear and frustration take over, throw in the towel, give up, and generally make it mean that we are losers. Pond scum. Bottom of the barrel.   Yet if we could just manage to be more mindful of our experience and feelings we could see the truth of the matter. Perhaps we are just ever-so-close to getting the results we desire.  We just need to make a shift.  An internal shift in how we are BE-ing to bring about what we want.

So, where in your life or business right now are you scratching your head in puzzlement? Where are you feeling stuck?  Identify those areas and then ask yourself — what is one small shift you can make to release that tension?

It’s not always that easy to see it for ourselves (because we’re way too close to the situation).  If you need help getting clarity, I’d be happy to offer you a get acquainted call to support you – just contact me.

Photo Credit: stock.xchng

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