Are You Insulting Yourself?

How good are you at receiving a compliment or outright praise? Do you tend to slink down in your seat, hide, or generally blush? Worse yet, do you start making up a story as to why that compliment isn’t REALLY warranted? If so, you are insulting yourself and blocking an important channel to your happiness and success.

For example, in the past if someone would compliment me on something I was wearing, I would make up a million excuses as to why that isn’t so. That would sound something like “That is a Flowgreat shirt you’re wearing.” I’d answer “Oh, this shirt? It’s so old and I borrowed it from my partner and it’s not really my color, etc, etc”. In effect someone would compliment me and I’d be telling them “You’re wrong!”.

Another example of something more personal is if someone compliments you on something you did. For example, when I used to perform classical guitar I might complete a piece and someone would compliment me on how great that sounded. I’d launch right into “Well, I missed this note, buzzed the string here, played it below what the tempo REALLY should be, etc, etc.” Again I would not only be insulting the person giving me the compliment but essentially insulting myself with a big ‘ole “you’re not good enough” message.

As women we tend to do this all the time. For some reason we tend to think it makes us appear humble as we display all this humility. However, it isn’t humility it is humiliating. We humiliate ourselves as we shrink from what we offer and the unique talents that we have. We are telling the person doing the complimenting “you are wrong and don’t really know what you’re talking about.” The net effect is that everyone feels worse. Somehow we think we feel better by beating ourselves up, but in fact the only thing we accomplish is damaging our relationship with ourselves.

Why is this so important? The ability to receive is crucial to being able to get what you really want. Whether you play by the language of the uber-popular The Secret and want to manifest something in your life or if you just plain want to be more successful on your own terms, you need to be able to receive good things (compliments, gifts, good fortune, etc.) effortlessly. Opening yourself up to receive is like removing the cap from a hose, it allows the water to flow.

How can you do this and still feel authentic, humble, and sincere? The answer is deceptively simple. Simply stand tall and say two words “Thank You”. You don’t need to explain, you don’t need to minimize your worth, and you don’t have to appear like a boastful fool (like of course I’m great, I’m the Queen of Everywhere!). You only have to receive openly and with gratitude in your heart. An elegantly simple “Thank You” does the trick.

If you don’t believe me — try it out! Next time someone compliments you on something, simply stand tall, look them in the eye, and say “thank you”. You may feel awkward if you’re used to spewing forth a litany of negative talk, but just say the two magic words and then be quiet.

Once you’re able to stand in your own space and receive with gratitude I guarantee you’ll start feeling better about yourself AND start attracting more good things.

Are you good at receiving or do you struggle? If you struggle, what gets in the way of you being able to receive with grace? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments..

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