“Sure, Bring “Him” In”… A Tale of Assumptions

Here’s a funny little tale that I consider worthy of “a day in the life …” sort of story. It involves assumptions, confusion, the Pope, a tuxedo, and two lesbians. 
My partner and I are taking our first Olivia Cruise in less than two weeks.  On that cruise is a formal night. The good news is that I’m looking forward to it and it has none of that angst of the dreaded formal-anything dances from my adolescent years.  It’ll be she and I and thousands of other women being dressed up in whatever way feels good to them, having a good time out in the middle of the ocean somewhere warm.  But alas, I want to rent a tuxedo and need to be measured….so I can order the thing online to be delivered to my stateroom. Here’s where the fun begins.

Now, I have worn a tuxedo exactly once before for our commitment ceremony.  And, that fitting experience went fairly well.  If nothing else, I was young(er), bleary eyed with excitement, and living in a town a whole lot hipper than where I am now.

On the top of the list of Saturday errands was…get tuxedo measurements.  So, I first try the dry cleaner/alteration lady. She stutters in broken english — “no, you need tailor.”  Then I drive to the goofy little “downtown” near where I work and the fascinating little “bridal world” is closed.  With tempers rising, I decide to call the next place, “tuxedo world” and make sure they do complimentary fittings and are actually open.  This is where the real tale begins.

I call to ask my question and a young woman answers “Sure, we do complimentary fittings, just bring him in.” I hang up, look at my girlfriend and say, “She said to bring HIM in.”  Off we go…with my girlfriend smirking the whole way.  I say to her that she is loving this just a bit too much and that there better not be any large crucifixes hanging on the wall of this place (because frighteningly so, there are such life-size hangings in the local grocery around the Easter holidays where we live).

I get there, trudge up the steps and explain to the young lady that I had just called and that while I did not bring “him” in, I am here to get measured.  She was a little perplexed and asked, “So, we’ll just measure you then?”. I said, “That would be great since I will be the one wearing the tuxedo.”  A moment of mental processing passed and we were off to the measuring races.

While the woman was very pleasant and my partner continued to amuse her with talk of all pictures of local prom couples on the wall, I couldn’t help but be distracted by the large picture cards of the Pope and Vatican on her desk.  While I have absolutely nothing against any religion, I can definitely say that having the Pope staring at me during my tux fitting made me a little hot under the collar.

We left the place with measurements in hand and I am now all set to go for the big formal night.  But I have to say this little vignette reminded me once again of how it’s often the little things that show up in our day to day lives that can sometimes make us feel different or somehow a little “less than” or “not enough”.

What do you do to stay strong and true when you hit these little “day in the life…” moments?


tags: lesbian, stress, GLBT


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